Interview: Presidential Candidate Vermin Supreme

He is a Presidential candidate and an advocate of oral health, zombie apocalypse preparedness, and time-travel. He has promised us all our very own pony should he win the White House, and he is a snazzy dresser. Vermin Supreme gained national attention earlier this year when he entered the Democratic Primary in New Hampshire. He was soundly beaten, but as the saying goes, “You can’t stop the signal”. I asked Mr. Supreme 10 questions and I got answers that were a heady blend of profound, off kilter, and fucking gonzo.

If Androids dream of electric sheep, what do politicians dream of? 

Vermin Supreme: Fucking electric sheep.

Talk me through your plan to solve the debt crisis, also is there a debt crisis since servicing costs (as a percentage of GDP) are pretty close to the level established as “typical” over the last 25 years? 

VS: Total all out war with the Godless Red Chinese bastards. Wiping out our national debt. Seize back America’s manufacturing base .

Any President rises or falls on the strength of the people they choose to stand with them, have you given any thought to who your Secretary of Time will be and what about your Ambassador to Gallifrey?

VS: No, I have not.

Who does Jesus love more, Rick Perry or Rick Santorum?

VS: Jesus loves Santorum, this I know because the bible tells me so.

Poor people, cuddly nuisance or societal plague?

VS: Both!!

Who is your haberdasher? 

VS: Whenever I’m down in the dumps, I try and find a nice accessory.

What’s the value of a campaign promise?

VS: The pixels they are digitized on.

Could you beat the “Rent is too damn high” guy in an arm wrestling competition?

VS: To do so would risk our beards touching. This could result in cataclysm and must be avoided at all costs.

Do you favor the legalization of drugs?

VS: Only happy drugs.

Minor followup, are you high, crazy, or fucking brilliant?

VS: Thank you, you’re very kind for noticing.

———————–

My Farewell.

This is my very last contribution to this site as editor in chief (a position I relinquished a few days ago to pursue other opportunities). I am extremely proud of what we did in my time here. I have enjoyed writing for you immensely and I hope that we offered up a bunch of funny, weird, and insightful stories.

With that said, working with my team was the very best part and so to them I’ve embedded this lovely goodbye video from when our favorite show, Doctor Who, changed hands. Cheers and best wishes to you all, goodbye and allons-y!!!

Written by Jason Tabrys (@jtabrys)

The former editor-in-chief, Jason still reappears in the rafters of our fair site from time to time but he now spends his days leaping from one place to another, trying to put right what once went wrong. You can still find his words across the toxic constellation that is the… More »