‘Buffy’ gets a spoof porn

Buffy, everyone’s favorite vampire slayer (unless Blade is more your thing, pfff), was introduced to the world nearly 20 years ago in the eponymous film. A few years later a smarter, faster, stronger version of the heroine made her way into everyone’s living rooms and hearts in the television show of the same name. Novels, comic books, action figures, and video games followed, but something was missing. A porno.

That’s right, Buffy is getting the porn spoof treatment, and unlike the remake from the Kazuis, this time it isn’t the audience who’ll be getting screwed.

“But wait, wasn’t there already a Buffy porn spoof in the early 90s?” Yes, yes there was, you creepy porn connoisseur, but Muffy the Vampire Layer was based on Buffy the cinema film, not the superior television show.

So who’s crafting this epic endeavor? Why its Josh Wheldon, not to be confused with Joss Whedon for purposes legal or otherwise. So why climb the ample innuendo peaks of “watchers”, “Spike”, “stakes”, “The Master”, and the fantastic line from the original series, “To make a vampire they have to suck your blood. And then you have to suck their blood. It’s like a whole big sucking thing.”? Well, everything’s better with a bit of nudeness, isn’t it?

On top of all that, I’m sure this film offers all the great attractions of other amazing flicks-o-skin, from the cheesy dialogue to the predictable copulative entanglements that make all the shy boys and girls blush. But what else can we expect? A Watcher, watching? Members of the Scoobies, dooby, doing each other in a rocking van that invites all sorts of knocking? Maybe the world will finally get a live action Angel/Spike/Buffy menage-a-tres? Which means 3 in Spanish, and scandal everywhere else.

Offended by the notion of a Buffy porn? Just hush, to hell with the innocence, bring on the passion, and let Buffy use the body she was given like she did when she was bad to say welcome to the Hellmouth and enter the Doublemeat Palace once more with feeling.

I’m going straight to fangirl hell.

Written by Heather Barnes (@heatherlbarnes)

Heather is an avid reader of the fantasy genre and has a passionate appreciation for film. Currently studying film at the University of Nebraska, she plans on becoming much more involved in the film community. She enjoys writing as well, especially for We Love Cult, and she has an almost… More »